Habits That Stick: 5 Ways to Build the Lifestyle You Actually Want

mind

20 Jul

The truth about habits (that no one really talks about)

The version of you you’re picturing… The one who works out consistently, eats to feel good, keeps her skin glowing and actually feels calm? She’s not built in a weekend reset. She’s built in the things you repeat - especially on the days you don’t feel like it.

When stress hits, these habits can be the first to go. We skip the gym. We swap meditation for Netflix. We say “I’ll order in tonight” (again). Not because we’re lazy or undisciplined, but because our brains crave comfort when overwhelmed.

Under stress, the brain defaults to “easy” behaviours, things that are familiar and ‘safe’ - usually habits that require little effort, even if they’re not serving us. That’s why habits you actually enjoy (and can do on autopilot) matter so much.

5 Ways to Make Habits Stick (Without Forcing Willpower)

We’re taught to believe willpower is the secret ingredient. That if we just try harder we’ll work out at 6AM, eat mindfully, meditate every night and somehow not scroll at 11PM.

But here’s the truth: willpower is a finite resource. You wake up with a full tank and spend it all day on decisions (what to wear, what to eat, what to say in that awkward email). By the time you’re home, your brain’s depleted… Enter takeout, Netflix and snoozed alarms.

The science backs it up: Studies from Baumeister et al. (aka the “ego depletion” studies) show that willpower functions like a muscle - it literally gets fatigued the more you use it. This is why decision fatigue is real. In fact, one 2011 study even found that judges were more likely to deny parole as their day went on, as their their mental reserves (patience, empathy etc) dropped.

The fix? Stop relying on willpower at all. The goal isn’t to “try harder.” It’s to make habits so automatic they don’t even register as a decision. This is what behavioural scientists call automaticity (aka when habits run on autopilot and don’t drain mental energy).

So, how to do it?

1. Know your why (not just your what)

It’s easy to say, “I want to workout more” or “I should meditate.” But when the novelty wears off, knowing why you’re doing it is what keeps you showing up. This is what really changed the game for me…

Try this: Envison yourself down the line after consistently keeping the habit and understand how you will feel. Maybe it’s energy for your mornings. A calmer nervous system. Skin that reflects how well you’re caring for yourself. Anchor into that.

Then visualise it, visualise it as part of your identity - build such a clear picture, that it no longer becomes “I go to the gym 5 times a week” but rather it’s “I’m the type of person who enjoys working out and prioritises their fitness”

The science bit: Research shows people who link habits to identity change (“I’m someone who moves daily”) are more consistent than those focused on outcomes alone (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2012).

2. Stack new habits onto old ones

This is the classic “habit stacking” method from James Clear’s Atomic Habits and it works because you’re piggybacking on routines you already do without thinking.

Essentially, it’s attaching the new thing you want to do, with something you know you’re already in the routine of doing. It’s easier to make the time and harder to forget. For me, I struggled to remember to use my red light mask - but I would never not make my coffee in the morning. So now, I put my mask on every morning whilst I do it.

Try this: “After I brush my teeth, I’ll write one line in my journal.” Or “While my coffee brews, I’ll do 5 deep breaths.”

The science bit: Tying a habit to an existing cue creates stronger neural pathways, making it stick faster (Nature Neuroscience, 2014).

3. Design your environment for success

People think habits are about motivation, but really they’re about ease and proximity. We’re all products of our environments. The harder a habit is to start, the less likely it happens, especially on the days you’re tired or stressed.

This one changed everything for me. Instead of leaving my success to chance, I started setting up my space to make habits obvious, easy, and (almost) inevitable.

Try this: Want to journal every night? Keep your journal on your pillow so you can’t get into bed without seeing it. Trying to work out more? Lay your leggings out where you’ll essentially trip over them. Make good habits the path of least resistance. And the bad ones? Add friction (i.e. charging your phone in another room if you want to stop scrolling at night).

The science bit: A 2016 study found environmental cues (like visible gym shoes) increased exercise adherence by 42%. As BJ Fogg (author of Tiny Habits) puts it: “Design beats discipline every time.”

4. Time blocking (make it non-negotiable)

Waiting to “find time” is a trap. Time doesn’t appear, you give it. I used to tell myself I’d fit in workouts or journaling when things quietened down. Spoiler: they never did.

So, I started treating habits like meetings. They went in my calendar. On a Sunday evening or Monday morning, I prioritise an hour of weekly planning - I work out what it is I want to achieve that week and literally block the hours in my diary. Then, when the time comes… No debating. No deciding. No mental back-and-forth that drains willpower.

Try this: Instead of “I’ll work out three times this week”, put it in as “Tuesday 7:30AM: Move my body.” Even if it’s 10 minutes, make it official.

The science bit: Research shows habits performed at consistent times of day are more likely to become automatic (British Journal of Health Psychology, 2018). You’re not scheduling tasks, you’re setting yourself up for success.

5. Keep it small (so you’ll actually do it)

The biggest myth is you have to “go big or go home.” The reality is that big changes feel inspiring for two days… and unsustainable by day three. Tiny habits, though? They sneak under your brain’s resistance radar.

On the days I feel overwhelmed, I shrink the habit until it feels laughably doable. An hour of mindfulness becomes a 2-minute meditation. A yoga class becomes one long stretch. 10,000 steps becomes a trip to the end of the road and back.

Try this: Instead of skipping it, shrink your habit to something so small it feels impossible to say no. If you want to start journaling, write one line. Want to work out? Do one squat. Success (no matter how small) breeds success, and consistency is what rewires your brain.

The science bit: Small wins trigger dopamine, which reinforces behaviour and builds momentum (Neuron, 2018). It’s not about intensity, it’s about making the habit so easy it survives even your busiest, most chaotic days.

TL;DR: 5 Ways to Keep Your Habits

Since I stopped chasing perfect routines and focused on habits I could actually repeat, everything shifted. Less all-or-nothing. Less burnout. More flow, even when life get’s chaotic.

The lifestyle ‘glow-up’ isn’t about doing more. It’s about making the right things feel easy enough to do on autopilot.

Know your why, not just your what
Stack new habits onto old ones
Set up your space to make habits obvious
Time-block to make them non-negotiable
Start tiny, consistency beats intensity

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